I know what it is like to cry. I know what it is like to have a good ugly Claire Danes style snotfest watching The Notebook on a mid afternoon flight. I know what it is like to cry quiet disappointed tears, curled in the fetal position with my head in my husband’s lap. I know what it is like to cry tears of joy greeting my mom at the airport. I know what it is like to cry from laughing so hard with a girlfriend that we forget to breathe. I know what it is like to cry after saying good bye to a loved one for the last time. I know what it is like to cry sympathetic tears for someone unable to cry on his own. I am quite the crier. I think it comes with the territory when you love big, you just feel many emotions in a very big way too. And now, after Friday night, I know what it is like to cry from being overwhelmingly thankful.
I finally participated in the Alt Summit Conference for four days where my main goal in Salt Lake City (okay, second goal, because the first was to meet Garance Doré) was to determine whether or not there is a place for my writing, interests, and personality in this modern industry. This is a full text, personal narrative blog after all. Though I like travel, art, entertaining, fashion, cooking, home decor, kids and crafting too, it is not what this space is about. I thought I had already come to terms with this two years ago in my post here. Online and offline, I like knowing I am relatable with my friends and people I just happen to meet. In becoming an active participant in this fantastic blogging world, my vision is to be a venue for humor, introspection, honesty and sisterhood as a writer. I want to play a role in supporting positive conversations, a feeling of community, and making great things happen. It isn’t a far fetched vision, is it? Aren’t we all looking to feel connected? Isn’t it what we need?
At the end of a seriously funny evening with the Deemanator, Burning Girl, and Fred at the Friday Night mini parties, I crawled into my bed with a smile on my face but within a minute started to cry. During thoughtful conversations and impromptu brainstorming with many I admire, the possibilities for making accessible change happen was suddenly within reach. I boldly approached more than a few bloggers I wanted to meet and was so excited that yes, in real life, we ARE best friends (no restraining orders please, I promise not to hug you a third time). Amidst fortuitous interactions with those I now adore, a stranger one moment can become an old chum the next, because my personality and how I write resonates so naturally with her. I saw the intersection of the person I have always wanted to be and the woman I already am right in front of me. The road sign reads,
“Move straight ahead. All you need is to be you, and you will get there soon enough. Oh, and by the way, yes, you have been on the right road all along.” Now I know what it is like to have that kind of cry where I feel both excited and sorry, while confident yet humbled, because I discovered that who I am and the vision I have had for myself are one in the same. The two have just been waiting for me to stop crying those kinds of resistant, fearful, fruitless tears that we all cry when we undermine our confidence and visions of ourselves. Once we stop crying that way, we can see that the crossing paths of here and there is just ahead.I know what it is like to cry those tears of relief as I learn that my mythical intersection is no longer a myth.
|Yes, this is my first fancy quote graphic! Thanks StudioDesign! by BP|