|No, you are most certainly NOT welcome here. Image c/o lowes|
It could be said that I always have something on my mind. I am able to multi task effectively a tiny bit, and thrive on lots of ideas and things popping up here and there to keep the coals hot. It can also be said that when there is something particularly distressing upon me, I fail to creatively function, and I cannot find a way to write around it. My last record was 11 days, when I was getting a bit itchy with the mister, discussed here. When something deeply emotional takes residence, there is room for little else. It takes up all of the bedrooms, makes others line up for the shower, does not replace the toilet paper, and cleans out the fridge every meal time. It considers no one else. The rest of the house members just grunt and deal with its presence, waiting for its to return flight home. It is that tiresome houseguest who creeps in at midnight wearing tap shoes against a hardwood floor, but is tolerated because that houseguest is your embarrasingly eccentric smelly old uncle who shares your DNA and ultimately has a story to tell you as he is your family’s keeper of secrets as well.
I was thinking I have been lacking a muse, and yet, the hold up was really all about this “houseguest”.
I feel guilty when I cannot write around it. I feel defeated and frustrated. But this is why I am learning to be a better writer. Maybe I am supposed to write about this houseguest, and as a therapist, or coach would say, “Let’s go there.” It needn’t be today though. To acknowledge the beast is the real lesson, but I just wish he would pass my porch and not barge in. Maybe suppressing it is the issue. Maybe by ignoring it and being so passive, he’s stuck, the way I believe spirits get stuck between earth and the after life when we don’t let them go. I have been so busy rolling my eyes, biting my tongue and avoiding my houseguest that it hasn’t occurred to me that maybe he just wants deliver his message and go. Maybe he doesn’t even like my home, which is why he can’t get comfortable either. Has it been up to me all this time to send him off?
I should have just poured him a glass of port, packed him a pipe and let him just tell me what it is he came to say in front of the fireplace in the first place instead of ignoring him all this time and pretending I don’t see him. He just wants to get on with it.
What is he trying to tell me ? Will let you know once I have the nerve to find out.